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To my daughter Brittany Nichole Bohn
Born 8-18-1986-04-16-2009
Happy Birthday, my darling Brittany, you are 24yrs old today, we miss you no less today than on 4-16-2009
I think about you everyday, I am working through my anger honey, because I know that is what you would want me to do, not because I want to. Our life has changed so much since you left us, I get angry at times i hate the world and I must make amends to the people who hurt you, I am writing a book about you! for Grace not for anyone else, people say I am crazy, but when i lost you I went crazy, no one understands that only God, and I am bitter at him, because I have tried to live the good life, I have had to let go of me for you I have had to forgive and I have had to try hard to live and when God gave me you, that was it I was happy so happy, I thought, I would never have such a beautigul baby like you, I thought I was born evil, I did allot of work to just stay living in this cold world until you came into my life that changed everything my life lit up like the fourth of July, before you! i was nothing, before you my life ment nothing and God gave me 4 more children to care for those were the very best days of my life and for him to take you I must have been evil right from birth and you know what , people, family have left me, but you live in me, I have a hard time in life now and I keep fighting everyday day, every hour to find something to hang on to I miss you so, I cry and cry to God for him to show me some favor and for him to console me because I have no one, I have faith and I will continue to mourn you all the days of my life and no one can tell me any different if they do not want to here about you how special you were to me than they do not have to be around me, when you died half of me went with you, I mean it I remember there were times where I could not find you I went looking for you and I found you this time you died and I failed to do my job I will live with this I needed to find you in my heart that day when I heard you died in my heart I knew they killed you as your mother I will never rest until I meet with God and he tells me why? the pain in my stomache the pain in my heart I feel it like it was yesterday, the anger, the hurt that people just let you die and this crazy justice system that failed you and let you die in vain and let the people who were with you get away with murder no one knows how can I not go crazy like they say i am, how can I keep thinking they are living a normal life and you got cut short I can not come to grips God please help me to heal help me to find forgiveness for these people and help me to let my daughter Brittany rest in peace Britt you are 24yrs old, I do not know what I will do on the that day, but I want you to rejoice in heaven dance with all of the other angels and with your aunt Pauline that suffered here on this earth dance all night for me baby, I have to let you go, but in my heart I still hurt those people never ever said they were sorry and I know they are cowards and I am alone now, we are not the same family we have drifted apart so far from each other Sierra loves you we all do your daughter the light of my life is getting so big and she is smart like you, I told her that you were a very smart girl and that she is smart too like Mommy I told her she needs to go to school and college like her mommy Brit you left me to soon! although you are gone I have to thank God for every second he gave me with you, I have to thank him for taking you home to a better place and you found your true love after all honey dance for me in heaven cvelebrate your day, I will work hard on the book i promise and I will work hard to keep living with out you and I pray to god that he continues to watch over our family, but coming to terms with your death is so hard, but i have a choice to either mope around mourn you or live the life God wants me to live until we are all together with him, it is hard Brittany it is hard to see any good of this life, it is hard for me to be thankful to the people who hurt you even family everyone who hurt you I am mad for they ment this to happen to me, but God took you honey I want to know you are dancing in heaven I want to know you found love I want to know you are happy I want to know all of that I believe in God I bellieve in heaven and I know you are with out father something inside of me way deep inside knows you are ok and the bitterness inside of me is so profound I have to fake it amoung people I have to pretend i am ok, but inside i am not after you passed away 6 people young people died of that drug you know what honey those people who were with those who died are being prosecuted for selling the drug to the kids, but yours got a way with it, not even the dealer that we gave the names to the cops got nothing none of those girls who hurt you got anything no justice was done for you that is what hurts I know the truth, I have the evidence, I have wittnesse the cops did nothing, to find justice for you, you do not know how much that hurts I walk around hating life, hating the justice system, God please help me to come to terms with the fact we live in a racist and bad world full of corruption honey I don't want any part of that world so I live in my box I live in this crazy world but I am not part of it, since you were a baby God lived in my heart he helped me through some tough times and he never left me those were times in my life where I thought I was evil or I was possed by the devil, but God came through for me again this is the time where I need him near me and deep down inside he is there for me, I never felt loved, I never felt wanted or needed until I gave birth to you kids you were my light, you were my strength and now my hero is not here, you are my hero to me when people did you wrong you forgave them, you snuffed about it but you forgave them you were not a revengeful person, I know I gave birth to you, I taught you morals and I taught you to love when I knew nothing about love now tell me there is no God just that alone makes me feel good that he has you under his wings, God knows what kind of mather I am he knows I am not perfect and he knew what I would have to go thrrough before I went through it wow I am amaized how I still exist, I remeber I told you one time if ever anything happen to you or the other kids I would want to go to that is so true Brit and you said Mom" you have to take care of the rest of the kids, I'n my heart, I know you knew you were not going to be here with me to long, ha because of this little warning God gaves us before you passed I remember everything honey these are not coincidence God was trying to prepare me I think back I think wow God you are awsome and powerful, I hope you are the biggest beautiful angel in heaven and I hope you are taking care of the children that come through the gates of heaven Britt i miss your big silly laugh well honey I will quit now I have to
drink my coffee, Britt, I know you are watching over us and your sister Cheyenne she is so lost as k God to be near her at all times the enemy thinks he is going to take her out too not so, what can I do to prevent another young person dying so young from the drug ecstacy britt help me to think of a way to get the message out about that drug ECSTACY kids think it is a sex drug so far from the truth it is poison
so many different drugs are put in the pill that it shuts down the major organs kidneys liver until death and it works on the chemicals in your body, in your case you did not have enough of that drug to kill you something happen to you before you died you had cratches, on you bruses on you you did not die normal you were hurt I know you fought hard aginst these people evidence showes that, you just dance you are free and you are with the most mighty man ever he will protect you now i love you happy birthday baby love Mom
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